Changes

24 Oct

Whether it is seasonal, or timing or life, there are times when you just feel a change taking place.

For the last year or so, I have been going through a beautiful phase.  An experience of opening, of death, of full-blooded woman-ness (ultimate vulnerability, love, desire, care-taking, nurturing, neediness, non-self-importance, insecurity and of course drama).  The goal, seemed unable to reveal itself, as if stillness was the only thing to move towards, as if nothing was the only things to seek.  This is the phase that gave birth to this blog.  This phase was, very clearly, more about life inside of myself than about anything outside.

Part of the energy of this phase felt passive.  I was waiting, as still as I could be, listening for clues, expecting nothing, but present for anything that move me in a direction – any direction.  It was an experience that was precious, fragile, tending to ‘little-girl’ me.  I am so grateful for it.  I was not the hunter; I was the ultimate recipient – waiting patiently (okay… as patiently as I could).

And as everything, it changes. I change. We change.  And, so has my perspective on life.  This phase has happened to serve me, and now, it no longer does.

I said one week ago, to a friend, “I am ready… ready to be ready.”  And so it begins, a return to a less passive version of myself, and a more focused, proactive builder/artist/entrepreneur/who-knows.  I feel like I have the “eye of the tiger” again (go Katy Perry … And Stallone!)

Thank you, Life, for introducing me to the little girl and the woman in me. For letting me love her, understand her and not judge her..  Thank you for my husband, who held space for me as life unfolded, and I changed.  He allowed it, and watched with intrigue, love and a lot of laughter.

I’d like to write more about the death I experienced in another post at another time, but more than anything, I am focused on tying up all of the loose ends from of my ending phase.  Id like the closure of finishing my Ph-Me project.  So here comes a slushy of book reports and insights.

With love and sighs and acceptance,

~ Me

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