Ph"ME"

Credit to my dear and wise friend, Audrey Buchanan, for showing me a set of cards that she has been reading to herself every day in order to re-wire the neurological pathways in her brain.

While I am not at liberty, yet, to share how the external world has responded to her elevated self, I can share my perspective as true, life-long friend that she is authentic, herself and manifesting the most amazing and on-par-with-her-greatness level shit I have ever seen.  I am inspired.

In the theme of “Getting Help” this new year, I asked for a set of cards for myself.  And so a week later she handed them to me.  My own set of mind-rewiring cards to rewire my brain for greatness.  After weeks of hanging around with the cards, I took a look at them tonight, and added a few custom ones for myself.  Here is what my daily affirmation cards say :

• Today, anything is possible
• Today, I am going for it
• Today, I choose my vitality
• Today, I choose to pursue my highest vibration
• Everyday, I experience more & more moments of deep & continuous presence
• Everyday, things are getting better
• I will look for the good this day can bring
• I am the creator of my own reality
• I am in control of my choices
• I am taking things one step at a time
• I am successful
• I am a good and worthwhile person
• I am spirit, embodied
• I look good because I feel good about myself
• I can achieve anything I want to achieve
• I am integrated in what I feel, think, say and do
• I take care of my mind.   My mind is healthy
• I take care of my body.  My body is healthy
• I take care of my spirit.  My spirit is healthy
• My body, mind & soul are connected & aware of each other & each other’s needs
• My body, mind & soul are connected & collaborating for my highest fulfillment, greatness, success & joy
• I am light energy, inside & out
• I am aware, accepting, loving & clear
• I love and care for myself, my friends & my family
• I am a committed wife
• I am a loving & present mother
• I am a great friend
• I am loved & valuable because of who I am
• I treat myself gently & with compassion, so that I can do the same for others
• I consciously create my identities & choose responsibility for myself
• The best wife I can be is true to myself
• I am one fly bitch
• I am a unique & special gift to this world
• The most special & beloved person I can be is exactly who I authentically am in any moment
• As Jesus is Jesus. Buddha is Buddha. I am Me.
• My body is strong
• My body is elegant & feminine
• I can master anything with practice & commitment
• I pursue & practice compassionate honesty
• My life has meaning & purpose.  I participate in creating its meaning & purpose
• I process thoughts & feelings into actions that feel good in my body
• I love being in practice of positive thoughts, feelings & actions
• When I feel held back, I witness it, seek to understand it & move through it
• I take pause (breaths) when things are not clear to gather my mind, listen to my body, awaken to my feelings so that I can move forward with wisdom & clarity
• I am confident
• I trust & value my intuition
• I have all that I need
• All is well.  Right here. Right now.
• I can. I will. I am.

What does this mean?

RETURN

Well, 2018 has great themes for me of returning: to old places, old relationships, old space-time-continuums as a new person – the 2018 me.  Me the Mother, Me the Wife, A commitment to Me the Student of Life.  I also feel a deep return to myself (ahhhh).

GET HELP

Mostly, as I went through massive changes in 4 years (difficult & deeply emotional partner-level job-departure, marriage, 2 children, 9 moves) I previously felt the need to ‘keep it all together’ and ‘know what I was doing’.  Well I don’t have it all together, and in many ways, I have no idea what I am doing.  So, I get to reap the rewards of the great and amazing friendships and relationships I have built.  Thank you Jah/God/Universe for my dear, wise, intelligent, honest and open friends.  This year is about getting help I need : with my internal processes, operating and running my family and a commitment to a daily practice of helping myself.

BE PATIENT

With this year ahead, there is a continuation of last year that I know I do not know a lot of things.  Where I will live, how marriage will look during my husband’s deployment, how to reintegrate with my husband after his deployment, how to guide my children through this time, … mostly I don’t know where I am supposed to live.  And that is okay.  I will wait for clairty.  Follow my inner bliss and trust that eventually we will find a city and community that opens up for us and feels like a great, long-term fit.

HONORING MY FEELINGS

This is kind of a last minute “throw-in” here, but as I was reflecting on what this year is about, it felt incomplete with the above three.  “Something is missing” I thought.

So, here is what I think it is.  I want to honor my feelings by letting people in.  Previously I would never let anyone see me cry (except my husbands or old partners).  I felt that in my deepest darkest moments, I could only share with people once I had processed things passed the emotional stage(s).  I don’t want to do that anymore.  I’d rather people just… know me. For exactly what I am feeling and experiencing.  I am not saying that I am all of a sudden going to have the strength to call someone when I am crying and bawl my eyes out to them.  But I will pick up the phone when I am crying now (as I did with dear friend, Audrey Buchanan on the day after New Years).  And if an interaction with you makes me feel sad/disrespected/hurt/disregarded/insulting/ego-offending-anything I’d like to process it with you.  Share that I had that feeling so you can know me a little more honestly and I can just be real.  Had a great opportunity to practice with Griffin Loop a few days back.  It was … well, a little nerve-racking, I am going to be honest.  But I am experimenting with it and while it is uncomfortable for me, I believe in the long run, my relationships with people will be more honest and everlasting.

Peace,

~ N