Wholly shit, last week was intense. I got technically married on Thursday (we signed the documents on Thursday, but had our big ceremony in February). I faced a lot of delusion still remaining in myself, and essentially took out a lot of my ish on my husb. My take-aways were:
- I am addicted and crave “magic” and I abhor the ordinary. Also, that I have defined magic to mean this thing that fits inside the tip of a needle, therefor closing myself to the world of magic around me.
- There is a little girl in me who wants a fairy tale that feels robbed of her fairy tale feeling.
- I have always used the thought that “I can leave you” as both leverage to get what I want in intimate relationships and to create a safe place for my mind to go.
Most of the last week focuses on remaining in the Tao, constructing and staining my Ashram Gazebo and dreading signing a marriage contract. Also, as a general shift in “paying attention”, I have been more drawn to the intersubjective than the subjective or objective recently. I am more interested in what happens between people, than I am so focused on what is going on inside myself. I sense that general trend.
- WEEKENDS: Weekends are still difficult for me to gather and input data into My Daily Chart.
- COMPUTER: I am trying to keep a note pad by my bed to record data because there are some days where I just don’t feel like being on my computer. That slows my tracking and daily data inputs at times.
- SLEEP: Sleep has been better. I have not taken melatonin in a while.
- SUPPLEMENTS: I take them sporatically.
- HYDRATION: It is becoming such a habit, that I don’t feel the need to keep track any more. I am really consciously hydrating and tell everyone “I am a hydratarian.”
- DREAMING: I’d still like to start tracking my dreams, still. I am not recalling my dreams most of these days.
- SOCIAL: This last week I have been feeling less than-normal-social, but I can feel it changing. I miss my local friends who are out of town, a lot.
- BODY IMAGE: I feel better about my booty.
- SKIN: My skin was overall pretty great this week.
- HEALTH: Health has felt good.
- DISPOSITION: Angsty, scared, playful, sad. In my head.
- HOUSE: I hung paintings. The house is in flow. Ashram Gazebo will be done by next week.
- CAR: Nothing has happened. Except that it is really having a hard time starting.
- MORE ON THE TAO: I am still toying with “doing not-doing”.
- OTHER: I am watching the “Cosmos”. “My So Called Life” was bumming me out. Listening to a LOT of 90’s alternative music. Cranberries has been in my head for days.
- PERSONAL: I started writing about people and my experiences using first names in my daily data.
- PRODUCTIVITY: I am thinking a lot about a few projects. That has been fun. And I am plugging away on the Ashram Gazebo.
Ph"ME" 
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