Ph"ME"

Wholly shit, last week was intense.  I got technically married on Thursday (we signed the documents on Thursday, but had our big ceremony in February).  I faced a lot of delusion still remaining in myself, and essentially took out a lot of my ish on my husb.  My take-aways were:

1. I am addicted and crave “magic” and I abhor the ordinary.  Also, that I have defined magic to mean this thing that fits inside the tip of a needle, therefor closing myself to the world of magic around me.
2. There is a little girl in me who wants a fairy tale that feels robbed of her fairy tale feeling.
3. I have always used the thought that “I can leave you” as both leverage to get what I want in intimate relationships and to create a safe place for my mind to go.

Most of the last week focuses on remaining in the Tao, constructing and staining my Ashram Gazebo and dreading signing a marriage contract.   Also, as a general shift in “paying attention”, I have been more drawn to the intersubjective than the subjective or objective recently.  I am more interested in what happens between people, than I am so focused on what is going on inside myself.  I sense that general trend.

1. WEEKENDS: Weekends are still difficult for me to gather and input data into My Daily Chart.
2. COMPUTER: I am trying to keep a note pad by my bed to record data because there are some days where I just don’t feel like being on my computer.  That slows my tracking and daily data inputs at times.
3. SLEEP: Sleep has been better.  I have not taken melatonin in a while.
4. SUPPLEMENTS: I take them sporatically.
5. HYDRATION: It is becoming such a habit, that I don’t feel the need to keep track any more.  I am really consciously hydrating and tell everyone “I am a hydratarian.”
6. DREAMING:  I’d still like to start tracking my dreams, still. I am not recalling my dreams most of these days.
   
7. SOCIAL: This last week I have been feeling less than-normal-social, but I can feel it changing.  I miss my local friends who are out of town, a lot.
   
8. BODY IMAGE: I feel better about my booty.
9. SKIN: My skin was overall pretty great this week.
10. HEALTH: Health has felt good.
    
11. DISPOSITION: Angsty, scared, playful, sad. In my head.
12. HOUSE: I hung paintings.  The house is in flow.  Ashram Gazebo will be done by next week.
13. CAR: Nothing has happened.  Except that it is really having a hard time starting.
    
14. MORE ON THE TAO: I am still toying with “doing not-doing”.
15. OTHER: I am watching the “Cosmos”.  “My So Called Life” was bumming me out.  Listening to a LOT of 90’s alternative music.  Cranberries has been in my head for days.
16. PERSONAL:  I started writing about people and my experiences using first names in my daily data.
17. PRODUCTIVITY:  I am thinking a lot about a few projects.  That has been fun.  And I am plugging away on the Ashram Gazebo.

So, I’d really like to get in the better habit of meditating.  Not just in the AM, but in the PM as well (which is much more difficult for me).

In the morning, I want to incorporate a mantra of “Water, Weight, Meditate” – reminding me to drink my 8 – 12oz of water [body], take my weight (to continue learning and trigger my daily habit of being “aware”) [mind], and to meditate [spirit].

Water, Weight, Meditate

Meditation, twice a day, is something I’d like to commit to this week. For the afternoons, this means both setting an alarm, and, associating meditation with my afternoon snack (i.e. tieing it into something I already do).