Archive | 10:05 pm

Tarot Card Reading //

18 Jun

I went to a tipi in Laurel Canyon and spent an hour with Angie, a somewhat new, but very gifted Tarot card reader.

Much of what was said, I had an intuition for, except for the traveling part, especially with my husband.  It was a great experience, but from past experiences, I know that the value of the experience varies greatly depending upon the reader.

An interested note about Angie, is that the Tarot cards found her at age 33 (Is it me, or are people getting transformed in their early 30’s?).  She started toying with them for fun and her gift was undeniable. She now has people showing up for readings.

I did not have detailed questions for the cards, so we drew some general ones.  Out of the gates, one flew out that was about “going back to school” – The Eight of Earth pictured below.  Considering my 30ish day research, I think this card was very encouraging.  The themes that followed were: be patient, have fun, travel and a child is on the way.


0) The first card flew out of the deck.  It was the Eight of Earth (above) which plays perfectly into my “existential research.”

1) I need to be patient and my next career move will come on its own.  Financially things will be clear in time, but I need to be patient, have fun, and travel.  Also, that I am still healing from my past career, I was really good at it, but I have not let it go and I am not ready for what is next yet.  When I am ready, I need to still be patient and not go forward too fast.

2)  The cards specifically said I should travel…travel with my husband…over water and that, it will be after this time of travel that things in my career will become clearer.

3) The cards had a lot of number threes which mean a child is on the way.  One card specifically was about celebrating an upcoming event (like a pregnancy).

4) When we asked about “when” things will be different financially, I guessed that the cards would not show me, and I was right. The cards showed that I just need to be patient.

5) With money, the cards showed the “fool”, essentially saying I should be more carefree in my spending, within my limits was another card that came up.


6) The cards also showed “Darkest Self”, which I attributed to some of my Vipassana experience and my recent interest in exploring my shadows.

The goddess card was

cordelia goddess cards

Angie just reminded me that there were a lot of “4 of Cups” drawn.  This means:


Four of Cups Tarot Card Meanings tarot card meaning

The Four of Cups depicts a young man sitting under a tree far away from others in what looks like deep contemplation and meditation. In fact, he is so engrossed in deep contemplation that he does not appear to notice the cup being presented to him by an outstretched arm. A further three cups stand at his feet, symbolizing the world and its attractions but again, he pays little attention to these. In this sense, he indicates the need to look deep into our Self to discover the answers we seek. External influences can be distracting and may not lead us to the goal we seek even if those influences purport to be of a spiritual nature.

This young man and his predicament suggest the story of the Buddha under the Bodhi Tree, contemplating the state of the Universe and unwilling to rise until he has reached the Truth. He is not taking the cup and indeed appears to be paying no attention to it whatsoever. He misses this gift of love and opportunity because he’s completely tuned within.


The Four of Cups often appears when you are bored or dissatisfied with the status quo. You may be feeling disengaged, apathetic, or unmotivated. Life has become stale or ‘flat’ and there is little that excites you anymore. To overcome this, the Four of Cups suggests a need to re-evaluate your situation and to look deep within your own psyche to find understanding and meaning. Turn your attention inward to find the Truth for which you are searching. Avoid distractions and examine your heart and mind to gain clarity.

Similarly, the Four of Cups signifies disappointment in someone or in a situation. You may be growing tired of the same old struggle that has been carried on too long in the past. As a result, you have started to withdraw and go within yourself to seek greater peace and tranquillity. If you are becoming particularly ‘pouty’ or sulky about your predicament, the Four of Cups is then a call to action; it is time to wake up, be alert and to be open to new experiences that offer a more positive outcome.

The Four of Cups can sometimes point to defensiveness. This can be noticed in the body language displayed in the crossed arms and legs of the man on the card. He chooses to ignore the possibility of what the cup has to offer. Possibly he has been hurt emotionally before, as this is the Suit of Cups, and he is fearful to expose himself to that again, hence he is closing himself off to this opportunity. Consider what opportunities you are ignoring or declining, and ask yourself whether this is because you truly believe you would not benefit from it, or whether this is because you are fearful of what may follow. Be mindful of any defensiveness in your responses and reactions.

At its worst, the Four of Cups is a stubborn, ungrateful and self-absorbed card. Whether you are off in your own little world, depressed, selfish, afraid to reach out or are nursing wounds from a bad relationship, the isolation in your world is self-imposed. You may be only concerned with your own troubles and problems, neglecting the needs of others. Be mindful that your detachment from being part of the world is becoming an issue. Remember, there is always an opportunity for you to reconnect with the world around you. Look at that cup being offered to you!

Often, the Four of Cups indicates that an offer has been presented to you but you are holding off making any sort of decision or evaluation of that opportunity until you have had more time for reflection and consideration. Notice that while the man in this card has not accepted the offer being presented to him, he has not completely rejected it either. The cup will continue to be there and the decision to accept or reject it can be made at any point. For now, though, it is the time for contemplation, research and meditation. When all of the answers are in, and it feels right emotionally, then you can take action but in the short-term, you do not need to make an immediate choice.

The Four of Cups serves as a reminder not to take life for granted. Numerologically, four signifies that you have created a solid foundation for yourself and a strong sense of stability and security. However, sometimes this can play to your disadvantage, where you feel so content, safe and secure that you begin to take your relationships and other aspects of life for granted. Thus, when the Four of Cups appears it must be taken as a cautionary note. It bears the message that there is a lot of love in your life but it can and will slip away if you do not continue to nurture it and demonstrate your appreciation for everything that you have gained so far. Most of the time, people do not realize the abundance they live in every day. They are too concerned with what they want, and they have no time to look at their lives and see how much they already have. A lot of the disappointment in life comes from people who want more but who already have all that they need. The key to overcoming this disappointment is simply to see all the good that is in your life already, and be thankful for it every day. So open up your eyes and look for yourself.


The Four of Cups reversed suggests that there is a good possibility that an offer will come your way but you must work hard to go out and get it. It is sitting right under your nose, so make sure you snap it up before you miss out! You may also be too focused on your own issues that you completely miss this opportunity or are unaware that it even exists. Keep your eyes and heart open to new possibilities, and release some of the focus on yourself to allow new opportunities to appear.

The Four of Cups reversed also reflects a time when you may be reluctant to open your heart to someone or to express your true feelings, instead withdrawing and isolating yourself from the other person. Be mindful of how this may be impacting those who are close to you and be considerate of their needs as well as your own.

On a more positive note, if you have been going through a period of stagnation, boredom or apathy, you will begin to feel restless with this state of being, and will want to break free from this rut. Put aside any negative thoughts or sulky behaviour. Embrace the opportunities that are already being offered to you. Reconnect with others and let them know how much you appreciate them.

What is up with the Early 30’s?

18 Jun

As a 32 year old, I feel like a lot of changes have come since I was 30, and are continuing to happen.  As I ask the healers, teachers and mystics I work with, and read the texts from old world religions, I cannot help but think that this “30-thing” is not just my imagination.

Here are some figures:

  • Buddha: Enlightened at 35 years old.
  • Jesus: Began his ministry at about 30 years old. (The Bible, Luke 3:23)
  • Angie (my tarot card reader): received her first set of cards at 33 years old.
  • Rachel (an intuitive and channeler): started channeling at 33.

More coming as things unfold.  Thoughts are warmly welcomed on this post!


Taoism // Through ‘Tao Te Ching’

18 Jun

Through the lens of the “Tao Te Ching”

Personal Intro

I enjoyed reading Tao Te Ching, and found it to be a quick and easy read of roughly 100 pages of metaphoric teachings and pros structured in a poetic way.  Although I was unfamiliar with the make-up of Taoism, I had been introduced to several concepts that are central to its teachings; mainly: surrender to the universe (doing not-doing) and see past the illusion of seemingly contrary forces to their actual complementary relationship (yin-yang).

I associate Tao Te Ching’s concept of  “doing not-doing” with “flow states” or “being in the zone” (my athlete metaphor).  Essentially it means, ‘get out of your own way and let the law of the universe work through you’.  I have directly experienced this while playing soccer, dancing and in all of my life  for a brief four month period during my 30th year.  I deeply associate this state with the loss of ego, although that direct metaphor did not come up in the Tao Te Ching.

Beyond, “doing not-doing”, Taoism teaches that forces that seem contrary, are in actuality, complementary (yin-yang).  I have personally experienced this lesson, and recall sometime in the Fall of 2012 reading about complements and spending time pondering its significance.  My first experience in understanding this was with a former co-worker who I considered rigid and uptight. For the longest time, it drove me crazy, until I realized that the co-worker’s discerning eye actually allowed me to have more freedom and creativity because all of the worrying was already taken care of.  Props to my younger brother, who, as I was venting about the co-worker, said to me, “Wow, it seems like they really get under your skin. I wonder what they are here to teach you.”

Most recently, I have experienced the deep connection of complements with my husband.  Not that we are so “contrary” to begin with, but there is much of our surface identity that might seem that way.  In reflecting on my single years and my single friends, I feel like we were searching for our “match” – our equal and opposite.  Instead of finding my “match”, I found the complement to my feminine energy. In hindsight, I actually do not believe finding an equal is even possible, nor lasting. Firstly, I think that the concepts of equality and self-worth are based in the ego; so a “match” is more for the ego than the soul. Secondly, with two dynamic and changing beings, equality cannot stay in tact for long. And lastly, I do not think “equal-ness” is even possible, as every human being is so different.

There are several topics associated with Taoism that have come up in my past, and again came up during my research and peaked my interest.  Those topics are: I Ching, Qigong, Qi, and Yin Yang.  Perhaps I will dive a little deepr into those.

I believe Tao Te Ching is a great read for those seeking lessons on: LEADERSHIP, FORGIVENESS, ACCEPTANCE OF OTHERS and LETTING THINGS GO.


“Tao Te Ching” translated as “The Book of the Way” was written by Lao-tzu, a man who left no trace, and dated to the late 4th century BC.  It is categorized under both philosophical and religious categories.  The version I read was translated into English by Stephen Mitchell, and he states upfront the difficulty in translating the Tao Te Ching with 100% accuracy.


The main message of Tao Te Ching is “Wei wu Wie” meaning literally “doing not-doing.”  The book talks often about not forcing things, but rather accepting them as they are and allowing them to be naturally and unfold spontaneously.  The book teaches that the greatest treasures are: simplicity, patience, compassion (translated elsewhere as compassion, moderation, and humility[1]).


Yin Yang

Another focus of the Taoism teachings is that of yin-yang: how apparently opposite or contrary forces are actually complementary, interconnected and interdependent in the natural world, and how they give rise to each other as they interrelate to one another[1] “What is a good man, but a bad man’s teacher? What is a bad man, but a good man’s job?” Tao Te Ching calls understanding this “the great secret”


Like Buddhism, the Tao Te Ching emphasizes the impermanence of the world, and the perils of illusions, desires and attachments.  
Tao Te Ching states that “for governing a country well there is nothing better than moderation.”  Although I did not mention Buddhism’s focus on the “middle way” in my report, both Buddhism and Taoism mention moderation or a “middle path”.  In Buddhism, the focus on the “middle way” is much more prevalent.


The Tao Te Ching  says “He who defines himself can’t know who he really is.” and “When you have names and forms, know that they are provisional.  When you have institutions, know where their functions should end.”  This is resonant of existentialism’s focus on the individual first, before all of their ideologies and categories.

The Tao Te Ching says, “you can show all people the way back to their own true nature.” The mention of a “true nature” aligns with existentialism’s view of a core and authentic self and a path back to that self.  This differs from Buddhism’s “no-self.”


When the Tao Te Ching says, “Each separate being in the universe returns to the common source.  Returning to the source is serenity,” I believe it is referencing a return to that source after death. Existentialism makes no common claims for life post death, and relative to Buddhism, this varies from it’s “no-self,” and rebirth beliefs.  As well, the Tao Te Ching’s “Be a pattern for the world. If you are a pattern for the world, the Tao will be strong inside of you,” reminds me of Gandhi.

QUOTES (with more coming under categorical posts).

 “All things are born of being.  Being is born of non-being.”

“We shape clay into a pot, but it is the emptiness inside that holds whatever we want.

We hammer wood for a house, but it is the inner space that makes it livable.

We work with being, but non-being is what we use”

“In the pursuit of knowledge, everyday something is added. In the practice of Tao, everyday something is dropped.  Less and less do you need to force things, until finally you arrive at non-action. When nothing is done, nothing is left undone.”

“In dwelling, live close to the ground.

In thinking, keep to the simple.

In conflict, be fair and generous.

In governing, don’t try to control.

In work, do what  you enjoy.

In family life, be completely present.”

“It is serene. Empty. Solitary.  Unchanging.  Infinite. Eternally present. It is the mother of the universe. For lack of a better name, I call it the Tao”


Existential Categories

18 Jun

All philosophical and religious literature, film and experiences cover a variety of existential topics.  I have chosen to organize the content I have gathered into the following 32 categories:

  1. Achievement & Failure
  2. Attachment & Clinging
  3. Aversion
  4. Awareness
  5. Bliss & Happiness
  6. Community
  7. Culture
  8. Compassion
  9. Death
  10. Detachment & Observation
  11. Desire & Expectations
  12. Effort & Allowing
  13. Enlightenment
  14. Faith (including God)
  15. Fear
  16. Femininity & Masculinity
  17. Greed
  18. Ideology
  19. Illusion & Ignorance
  20. Impermanence (includes: change, evolution, growth)
  21. Inwardness
  22. Judgement
  23. Leadership & Power
  24. Love
  25. Other
  26. Patience & Stillness
  27. Self (includes: ‘I’ vs ‘me’, no-self, selfishness, subjectivity)
  28. Spirituality
  29. Suffering
  30. Truth
  31. Understanding
  32. Wisdom

In my blog format, these will appear as categories.  If there are any you think I am missing, please let me know.


Waking Life // Dream Film

18 Jun

“Dream is destiny”

Waking Life

Today I finished the animated film “Waking Life.”

The film meanders through a variety of lessons and questions that the main character encounters, mostly having to do with the state of reality, state of dreaming and meaning of life and death.

It definitely got me thinking more about dreams, and if I can possibly enter a lucid dreaming state.  There was a lot of philosophical references, including a Kierkegaard quote.

 Quotes I liked:

On Existentialism

“The reason I refuse to take existentialism as just another French fashion or historical curiosity, is that I think it has something very important to offer us for the new century. I’m afraid we are losing the real virtues of living life passionately, a sense of taking responsibility for who you are; the ability to make something of yourself and feeling good about life.  Existentialism is often discussed as if it is a philosophy of despair, but I think the truth is just the opposite. […] one thing that comes out in reading these guys, is not so much an anguish about life, so much as, a real kind of exuberance of feeling on top of it; it’s like, your life is yours to create. […]When Sartre’ talks about responsibility… it is something very concrete. It’s you and me talking, making decisions, doing things and taking the consequences. […]What you do makes a difference. […].It is always our decision who we are”

On Democracy

“And they haven’t given us any other options, outside the occasional, purely symbolic, participatory act of voting.  You want the puppet on the right, or the puppet on the left?”

On Reincarnation & Collective Memory

“What I am trying to say is that reincarnation is just a poetic expression of what collective memory is. […]It’s like we’re all telepathically sharing our experiences.”

On Liberation

The quest is to be liberated from the negative, which is really our own will to nothingness, and once having said yes to the instant, the affirmation is contagious. […]To say yes to one instant, is to say yes to all of existence.

Emptyness of the Universe

Yes it’s empty with such fullness. The great moment, the great life of the universe is pulsating within it.

On Human Potential and Fear

Actually the gap between, say, Plato or Nietzsche, and the average human is greater than the gap between that chimpanzee and the average human.  The realm of the real spirit: the true artist, the saint, the philosopher – is rarely achieved. Why so few?  Why is world history and evolution not stories of progress, rather this endless and futile addition of zeroes.  …Hell the Greeks, 3,000 years ago, were just as advanced as we are. So what are these barriers that keep people from reaching anywhere near their real potential?   The answer to that can be found in another question, and that’s this: Which is the most universal characteristic? Fear or laziness?

The Test and Authorship of Life

We are all co-authors of this dancing exuberance, where even our inabilities are having roasts. We are the authors of ourselves, co-authoring a gigantic dotieski novel starring clowns.  This entire thing we’re involved with called the world, is an opportunity to exhibit how exciting alienation can be. Life, is a matter of a miracle that is collected over time by moments flabbergasted to be in each others presence. The world is an exam to see if we can rise into the direct experiences.  Our eye-site is here as a test to see if we can see beyond it. Matter is here as a test for our curiosity.  Doubt is here as an exam for our vitality.

Paradoxes of Life

An assumption develops that you cannot understand life and live life simultaneously… I would say life understood is life lived, but the paradoxes bug me.  And I can learn to love and make love to the paradoxes that bug me.  And on really romantic evenings of self, I go salsa dancing with my confusion.

Self Awareness

And, as one realizes that one is a dream figure in another person’s dream, that is self awareness.

Shared story of life

Behind the phenomenal difference, there is but one story, and that story is moving from the No to the Yes.  All of life is like “no thank you, not thank you, no thank you,” and then ultimately it is like “yes, I give in. Yes, I accept. Yes, I embrace.” I mean, that’s the journey.